April 2023
When in doubt, just walk through the dang door
Family Picture - summarizes my “comfort” level in general, trying to ‘smile through it’
Just walk through the door. Just go. Try. Pretend. Fake it ‘til you make it. All of these internal pep talks have been present throughout my entire life. When I tell people how I used to be extremely shy, they are typically pretty surprised.
Many don’t realize just how painfully shy I used to be. I've told plenty of people now that my younger sister used to order for me at restaurants because I was too scared to speak to the server. It was a crippling, debilitating, soul crushing type of shyness.
In 2nd grade I was too nervous to raise my hand in class to go to the bathroom because I didn’t go during recess, the 'designated time' to use the bathroom. I slowly peed my pants hoping I’d be able to get out the door at the end of the day without question.
Surprisingly, my plan worked (I had navy blue corduroy pants on) until I made it to the car. I immediately broke down and started crying, telling my Mom all that had happened. Naturally, she parked and walked me back into my classroom to chat with the teacher about what had happened. As you can imagine I was horrified - you never go back to the crime scene! It was incredibly difficult to walk back in the class and admit what I’d done with no ‘good’ reason to back me up. My teacher reassured me, along with my Mom, that it was okay to ask to use the bathroom even if it was during class.
Of course, this is one of the many life lessons I learned that the hard way is usually the BEST way, in that we learn the most from it.
I was never a confident child. It was deeply rooted in my lanky limbs, red hair, and an enormous overbite. If I started to feel good about myself, bullies were there to make sure the feeling didn’t last too long.
On the flip side, I always felt loved and celebrated at home. That’s where the seedlings of the mentality of ‘not giving a F***’ started. That sentiment was crystallized when my Stepdad Josh gave me a copy of the ‘Man in the Arena’ speech by Teddy Roosevelt.
On the beach somewhere in Hawaii…
testing the limits of sunscreen
It’s still one of my favorites to this day, “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds…”
I decided... that’s right I decided! I was DONE trying to BE LIKED. I figured out that I can't control what anyone else thinks. I decided I was going to get good grades, stay dedicated to my sports, be a great friend/brother/son, and try to make as many people laugh along the way as I could.
But inside, there was always that voice. Don’t go... what if someone laughs at you... what if no one wants to talk to you... what if they think the idea is dumb… WHAT IF??? That's when I started my pep talks. Just walk through the door. Just go. Try. Pretend. Fake it ‘til you make it.
I’m not kidding when I say, EVERYTHING, and I mean EVERYTHING that's good in my life is because I walked through that dang door.
So, all that to say, if I could offer one piece of unsolicited advice it would be to go, to try, to walk through the door. I can promise you that good things lie on the other side. Even if it’s just the increase in confidence that you walked through the door.
You CAN do it. If the kid who was too shy to raise his hand to go to the bathroom despite his screaming bladder can do it, then I believe you can too. What door are you going to walk through next?