January 2023
Family First
When I was younger, I remember thinking/daydreaming about my future family. Who would these people be? Who would I marry? How many children would we have? Curiosity would often get the best of me especially around Christmas. I assume it's because it’s a natural time of reflection and lots of time is spent with family. It’s a reminder that if all that you’re doing OUT there in the world isn’t working, there’s always home; there’s always family. They know you at your worst and love you despite all of your shortcomings.
All 4 kids out of the house to attend Christmas at the Park!
As my daydreams progressed, I would think about my career. What would I be doing? Would I be working my way up the corporate ladder or running my own business? Would I be a stay at home Dad? I can promise you I had no idea. What I was sure of though, was that my family would ALWAYS come FIRST.
No one bats an eye when you say, 'Family Comes First'. No explanation is needed. What does that actually mean though? I’m sure we all have different versions of our definition. Does it mean you spend extended time with relatives over the holidays, call Mom every week, play golf with Dad regularly, or be home to eat dinner with your kids every night? What’s most important to you? Taking a call to close a deal or baths and storytime?
Like most difficult choices in life, there’s no one right answer.
Our twin boys, Brady and Brixton were born on October 25th. What was supposed to be a routine check turned into an emergency c-section to ensure Shelby and our two boys would arrive safely. A 6 week early arrival meant 3+ weeks in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). This was something my wife and I had never experienced, nor would we wish on any parent. It felt particularly difficult with half of our family at home and half in the hospital. Nothing felt ‘right’.
These are the moments when your values are put to the test and this was one of those times for me. We had unpaid medical bills stacking up, including one of over $15K to transport the twins to a higher level NICU. The creeping financial stress had me constantly trying to decide what was best for the family.
Before the twins were born, I had never been so singularly focused on something so intensely. While I’m sure it’s different for every family, I knew where I was needed. I was needed at home, fully present. Not my business, not friends, not exercise, and certainly not sleep. For the past two months, my focus has been solely on my young growing family. I know it’s what has been best for our 2 toddlers, our preemie twin boys, and my wife. And believe me when I say, my wife is actually a superhero. Never sleeping more than 2.5 hours in the last 2+ months, pumping breastmilk around the clock, and doing it all while steering this chaotic ship.
Through this process I realized something important. I realized that this is something many moms deal with or have dealt with. Feeling split, confused, torn and even guilty about where to spend their time and effort. I have so much respect and admiration for the sacrifice my wife (and all moms!) has made, but this period took that appreciation to a whole new level.
All that to say, I’m giving it my all and I’m not even scratching the surface of what’s required. We’ve had such incredible support from friends and family. Truly, I’m embarrassed and uncomfortable by all we’ve received, but I can’t say it hasn’t been needed or incredibly appreciated!
As we head into a new year, I know that I will look back on these past 2 months with a smile. I was able to be with my kids and my wife more than any other time. I was able to be a (small) contributor to our household as we went through this major transformation. I was able to see the small changes in our boys and watch my daughter become a big sister. I was able to watch my son become the oldest and ‘rule explainer’ to his three younger siblings. There have been some hard days, but most importantly we went through it together. We grew stronger together and THAT, I will treasure forever.