December 2023
Who REALLY cares (about you)?
I heard this somewhere, and I tried to find the original author but to no avail, "In your 20s, you care about what everyone thinks about you. In your 30s, you stop caring what everyone thinks about you and in your 40s, you realize that no one ever thought about you in the first place”.
Shelbs and Ellie girl (carrying Brix) on a trail walk on Palomar Mountain.
I love this quote because as I’ve gotten older I’ve tried to become more and more authentic with everyone. It’s a hard thing to ignore - the fear - the fear of being ridiculed and the fear of not fitting in. I think it all starts when we’re the most insecure, maybe middle school? I didn’t know what I was doing, but I knew I didn’t want to stand out. That's pretty hard when you’re a tall lanky (goofy) red head. I found my safe haven by staying quiet. Just out there trying to survive without being picked on or bullied. So by default, I cared a lot about what people thought of me even though I didn’t care about most of those people. Finally, by my junior year in high school I realized I could only control what I could control. And one thing I most definitely could not control? What my peers thought of me. With that, I started to become more myself. I started becoming more authentic. I spoke up more. I used my sense of humor to make more friends and it worked. My favorite year of high school was my last year. Every year since the end of high school I’ve made progress toward ‘putting it all out there’. When I started my career in real estate, I had another hurdle to jump…tell everyone I love and care about that I was going to be a realtor. Certaintly not an easy task, considering it’s one of the least trusted professions. What will everyone think?!
Brady and I bringing up the rear…
Since then, all I have received is positive reinforcement. Turns out I didn’t give my friends and family enough credit as they have supported me and my business 1000% since I started this journey. As much as I agree with the quote and consider it very much more of a goal. I'm still striving towards the point where I stop worrying about what everyone thinks and am myself in each and every moment. I suppose that’s probably a life long journey. One thing I will say, as I’m turning 40 here in about a week, that whole thing about people never thinking of you in the first place, well there’s a lot of truth to that, but only to those people who don’t really care about you. I spent a weekend with the family and some close friends up on Palomar mountain for an early birthday celebration. There wasn’t a lot of quiet (see 4 little people), but when I did get some moments to think about my life, I couldn’t help but feel gratitude. I have a beautiful family. My children are healthy, happy, and kind. I’ve run out of ways to describe my wife, but I waited a long time to find her and she was more than worth the wait. I’ve got friends that really have become my family and have picked me up time and time again after I have lost some of the most important people in my life. I live in a beautiful house in one of the most desirable places to live on the planet. Safe to say, I have an enormous amount of things to be grateful for this holiday season. So, even though there are lots of people who haven’t thought of me, there are so many incredible people that HAVE thought of me and continue to think of me. And in some of those quiet moments this past weekend, I thanked God for that. For all the good, bad and ugly I have experienced in 40 years, I look forward to the next 40. I can’t help but think I’d be a lucky man if the next 40 are near as good as the last 40.
P.S. To ALL of those who have stepped in to help pick me up, especially these past few months, I hope you know how incredibly thankful I am. I would not have this life of abundance without you. I mean that sincerely. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!